Are you a stalker? Do the math.

You're out with friends one night and you meet someone. They catch your eye, perhaps there's a spark. You are able to grab a first name, a sense of their circle of friends (maybe they are friends with a friend's boyfriend?), you have a conversation, but then, before you know it, the night is over. So the next morning you do what most do and few admit... you take all that you know of the person and begin searching online... you commence STALKAGE.

It's all well and good, but monitor yourself. If you shoot them a friend request, a message, and comment on their photos before you've even washed the bar stamp off your wrist, you might as well have shot yourself in the foot. Slow down, plant the seed, let it grow.

I hope this guide can help you and others prevent an eStalking catastrophe.

Network Down

It's pouring rain and we lose internet at work. Series of text messages that entertained me through the traumatic 30 minutes:

Kurt: FYI District Network is down.

Me: I figured. Happy hour?

Kurt: Still have power unfortunately

Kurt: Help, our trailer is floating away, send Diet Pepsi.

Me: I'll send it with my oxen and wagon.

Kurt: Very sustainable, Cormia would love it.

Me: Yay internet again. That was a scary and unproductive 30 minutes.

My Chart for Relationship Escalation

Cliffs Notes

C: this whole experience has been good for my ego... not just the sex part, but XXXX kept asking me more and more questions about my life and seemed impressed. Its nice to see your life through someone elses eyes.
Me:
it's nice to give people the edited highlights version
leave out all the bad stuff
C:
Oh yeah that too haha
Me:
gotta be careful not to give them all the highlights
then you start running out and repeating yourself
and then the bad parts start creeping to the surface
C:
You are so wise
Me:
and then the guy realizes he's been duped
ration out the good parts
throw in a mild bad part now and then
just to desensitize him
C:
mmhmm I am thinking we need to write a book
Me:
I'll enter this into my blog entry